Schwofield

This is in response to my previous post.  I’ve planned some lofty goals, but I think I can do this.  I have to do this.  Not just for my self, but for all of humanity!!  It’s vital discipline is learned and the chaos of ones mind is finally put to an (proper) order.  Once I get bang out a Strip 6-7 days a week, I will be at a comfortable level to properly learn how to draw my way.  That’s what art is all about apparently.   Saturdays will be a throw back day, where I post my oldest work first, and work up to the last of the “lost” strips.  Including Sans Merit.

I’m about to head out on for a dog/house sitting adventure, so thanks to the Surface, I can continue making [my] strip.  Its pretty interesting, being on this isolated server on the internet.  There’s a vast ocean of content, and here I am on the fringe of that nightmare.  Here I am, afraid of my own mortality, overwhelmed by the existential angst of living in America and being overly aware of too many things.  Perception and Imagination are becoming one in the same.  A lot of questions are being answered in the Book of the Dead.  Things the Torah was only hinting at, and later what the Midrash exploited.

I like Wisdom, I love it/her.  I just wish I was a better student, rather than mining Chaos looking for Christos.  I found Tikkun Olam.  I was working on it, but I didn’t make the connection until after a personal revelation of time lost.  That’s the problem with depression or navel gazing.  You lose all concept of time.  All time becomes one endless moment of unbearable agony and despair. Each breath becomes hated, and each moment between them, that nothingness, becomes an all too brief relief.  To live in a moment between those living reminders.

Soo much self loathing and hated, for all living things.  That which is hated is considered unholy, and if one is blessed to have any order, that Order becomes the Holy.  This madness is a great conflict, I do not know what a physical battlefield is, but I do know when there are tyrants sapping away at myself and my loved ones.  I was given a beloved, a phantom to lose time and energy, and worst of all place focus on Wisdom and Her, rather than Wisdom and love for all men.  That’s the problem with Faith.  When it borders splitting the mind in too many directions, and then losing control of those self-made splits.

It is all one, it is all from one mind.  One source, one decree that caused the separation, not by choice, but by existing.  In mans eyes, not all men are created equal.

It seems a new breeze is blowing, its not strong, but if the sails can catch it right, and the seas stay calm ‘a course, a lot of new changes are ahead.  Currently learning Python, so I can develop some apps for work and for Schwofield.

The first one is easy as my job has a lot of repetitive features, this would help out greatly.  The second app is for another project, that although has been on the drawing table.  I also have a sketch thats about half finished on inking without text, so do not think I’ve forgotten anything.  I think of Synthetic Wisdom even when I’m not there for it.  Without digressing any further, the second app is for a card game i’ve had for many years now.  Now it seems feasible.  I’m not worried about finances at this stage, I lost my first prototype.  It wasn’t well designed and some of it got damaged.  I can’t believe its been with me all these years to be honest.

There is a quite a bit of design work done, and now I’m on the pre-Testing phase.  Rolling out a new prototype, (re)print the rules, and playtest as I add the “multiplayer” aspect to it.  This is designed for solo, or up to possibly 20 or so people, but that would take quite a long time.  I don’t recommend it at this stage.  I also came up with 2 more purely educational card games, that would require a bit of research, but its doable, and very customizable, so polyglots would also be rewarded.

I’m going to have to start looking for writers to help create worlds as, Duroc has a game we want to work on, it will take precedence, but I will also make my game as a way to beta test design ideas for his game.

The next step is art, which is also the final step, as that includes packaging and miniatures.  I am doing a lot more art, as I’m the principle artist for my prototype, but that will have to be outsourced as well unless I improve drastically.

Let’s hope this next week is a good one.

This was a lot of fun.  Mary shows  up, talks about her Mother.  A woman who drinks wine and watches an endless fire that seemingly does not consume its fuel; bored with life.  Who is she? Is there any continuity in the strip?  Does there need to be?  The sketchbook adventures notwithstanding, not much can be done with this comic in its current state except enjoy the ride as much as I do.  The problem with stream of consciousness strip making is its hard to get it kick started into full gear.  If I had more readers I would ask if they want me to take on a writer to make it funnier or at least more entertaining.  Why do I stick with these characters?  Because they are my Synthetic Wisdom, I’m not that good of a philosopher, so this is the result of my quest.  With your love and support, and most importantly me finding discipline within this, my spiritual task.  I don’t want to end this period in a bad way, tomorrow is a brand new day and hopefully as prolific.

I’ve got a good process agoin’ and now its time for the application.  The skill will undoubtedly improve with tenacity.  Many ways up the mountain and such.  I’ve got a lot of work ahead of me, I mean, a lot of love, this needs to be my tea ceremony, my sanctuary, my moment of moments as it were.  Or not,  its whatever life is, so yes, back to the acceptance of the previous post.  I’m still frustrated with my art in two ways, in which I am quite stubborn to learn, perhaps with time and Hashems grace, I will learn to incorporate more advanced techniques and perspectives in the future.  As for now, the burden isn’t in each strip, its now on the time in between creating a new strip.  I like concepts, and this blog will be a public record of a though process being penned and never truly edited.  Minor edits may occur for grammar and syntax, but as you can read I certainly don’t find them all.

It really does feel like I’m fighting a multidimensional war with a lot of forces and terrible split of factions all hiding something.  Is it overwhelming, not really.  As long as I stick to Adonais guidance through the darkness I’m in, I seem to be where I need to be.  So even though I am surrounded by everlasting wealth, im not allowed to tap into a certain amount of it.  Part of it is sloth, and another my own personal love of wisdom, and its own kind of damage.  I don’t think many people can escape life without scars or regrets. This is why the middle way is so attractive, it represents the only kind of freedom one can have with the world and the self.  Even at my advanced age of Thirty Three, I still make bad decisions based on unchecked desires.  I’m a terrible mystic in this regard.  In what regard am I good mystic?  I can’t say either, but I know I can’t be bad at all times.  Accepting and trying to minimize the cost of my impulses is hard enough without attracting guilt on top of it, seek acceptance than release could be attained much easier.  Acceptance and understanding, its the best way to capture an idea and make it your own.

Perhaps to trap that collect of chemicals, and then one day dissipate it to make room for new and better mixtures.  The Ubermensch doesn’t seem so frightening nor as unattainable, and Buddha even less so, there is nothing.    Some mixtures are harder to dissipate than others, but there is always a way.  All rocks become sand.