There appears to be a sickness in my household.  I have the beginning symptoms of it, and hopefully it is like the majority of the time I get ill, pretty bad discomfort for a week or so.  With any luck this will help push through whatever is blocking me from drawing.  I wish I could find out what is how and how I deal with it, other than, “give it time”.  I might go pick up some white-out, or some white ink before I go hang out for a third of the day.  Yes, I always bring my art supplies, and I try to force myself into the “groove” but that doesn’t work.  I have two more strips that need to be written, so perhaps I’ll get that done at the very least.

If it were up to me, I would return this upcoming monday.  I might, I don’t know, it isn’t up to me.  There is an artist friend of mine in town I was hoping to get back in touch with.  She was very intuitive about how I’ve been working.  It’s not normal, I am not normal.  Well in the way I learn, both my education and social upbringing have kept me separate from my “peers”.  It’s a false notion, and one that falls apart whenever I meet artists.  I’m just on some egotistical path towards self expression.  Everyone else can do it, why can’t I?  I don’t see any other reason why I fail consistently and then despise myself for trying to be anything other than me not being “ok” with certain aspects of myself.

This is happening at the same time my “spiritual” life is in turmoil.  When one suffers, the other pays the price usually, since they are so intertwined.  I can’t support one church or one religion over another because of my own personal faith is structured.   Only a few key projects are pure faith based, the rest just borrow from it.  That “spiritual” answer I am trying to force because I would sacrifice as much as possible for it.  even Schwofield and all of my books, just to see it through.  Why?  Because to live through another decade of that depression and other assorted madness doesn’t seem like a good time.

The very fact that I work for two major companies at once with a life threatening hernia means I cannot trust the health industry.  This is why I like what I do, I like being entirely expendable for a crucial industr(ies) whilst toting my madness.  At this point the establishment has zero credibility when it comes to anything beyond itself (understandable), and thanks to the great victory for social media, the people have been compromised to the point where their value is no longer individual, but the power of a collective wallet.

One must either try to change the state for the better, or the allowed church.  I would prefer the latter because the former is protected by two very dark forces (see: “It’s too expensive to fix” and “We can’t make money off that!“).  At this point in our madness it would be easier to fix the bible then fix certain social contracts. Then again,  I also understand the message behind Black Jesus show, about starting small, planting seeds.  So going after the top of is never what matters.  It has been about the people, from the beginning, and until its end.

Good luck reader with all of your projects and may you always remain in Light of Truth.


I was looking for a breath of life.”