Spinach and Mary start to disagree with each other on the same idea I have regarding my faith, understanding, and ultimately my love.  As a philosopher it should be the Truth for my faith, through the voice of Spinach, my current understanding ignores a lot of my internal feelings for the cold hard logical truths of Math and Logic.

This influences my love, which for everyone is the Creator, Created, and Creation triad of awareness.  There was one before it and it surrounds me, there is self love, which is the first real love because of perception also being awareness.  When someones understanding is in what they are actually aware of becomes their faith, as in my case, then a strange twisted emotional logical system has been built up, by trying to remove even the idea of the Creator from my mind temporarily.  I wanted my moments alone with God to be as true as possible, and for many reasons there is a logical balance of morality that loops back upon itself to keep somewhat stable balance in the physical world.  Existentially, it is a nightmare, so comforts are high and energy is low trying to keep those comforts going.  I was then given the opportunity to find a hermetic lifestyle beneficial for a slow and dimwitted philosopher-mystic such as myself.

Now, here in the present, that old great job which had time for self reflection, now I must reflect on another dark lens.  The minecraft machine.  Computers.  I don’t know why, but for some reason I expect a response.  Even I am not immune to the insanity caused by the wonderful world of technology.  I have my own goals in this field, and if I play my cards right I can eventually make the card game I’ve always wanted to make.

I’m at baby steps, because like all new ventures there is a sense of awe and supposed respect for our benefactors allowance.  Realistically, that allowance is victim even to a time greater than itself, but I try not to focus on that during “go-time”. I can’t help but visualize a ventures future and guess the surrounding impacts of the decision.  I reflexively start mapping out key points to help it reach fruition.  The latter isn’t set in stone, but a strong sense of ending, most of my (finished) projects ended not far from my guessed ending.  The only exception would be a novel that is lost to the annuls of time.  It was the only one I finished for National Novel Writing Month.  One day I’ll rewrite it, but it was a very unique experience that makes me feel good about creating things.

So many things went wrong that year before I found my first career.  Well, I have a lot of bad years, very few are good, but that is the price you pay for loving God and the Truth at the same time.  I was still in love with the Jewish girl that doesn’t exist, but perhaps even better than that, I was given a chance to look into the faith through the eyes of a philosopher.  The holiest of texts are the ones that tell the most profound truth on as many levels as there need to be.  There is so much power in this, deception masked the Truth with its many veils, that we keep ourselves enslaved to a system for so long, that it causes us to give up when we are trying to lift our own veils first.  Break our shells, or layers, before we can help others to free themselves.

This leads to ownership(humility), accountability(sacrifice), and sustainability(honor).  These also seem to be the anti-virtues of today(pride, coercion, and avarice).  Is this wrong or right?  Really its not up to me, I am trying to keep all of this going.  I don’t see much changing for the better right now, and another year at my current pay rate is good enough to accomplish my financial goals.

I must go on that note, I’ll “blog” more on this matter on a later event.  I’m trying to spark some embers in another joint venture, then stoke that into a roaring fire to temper my mettle.


“Carpet crawlers, heed their callers.”