I’m moved into my new place, and perhaps this weekend or so, I’ll be able to pick up that drawing table I’ve always wanted.  It’s within my budget as well.  Getting a vehicle isn’t, but I’ll have to wheel and deal for that.  Hopefully it’s a good one that won’t bankrupt me on maintenance.  In the meantime my medical concerns take over, as well they should.  But it’s the middle of a new month and I haven’t put up a new comic.  Shocking, I know.  I just got my tablet back today, and my comp is in a good temporary set up, but it doesn’t really have that feel that I want it to.  This weekend, I will move my comp into a newer and better case, then move the operation to my den where I can create an atmosphere that is more conducive to work.

I also have to worry that the two worlds don’t collide until my work projects are well underway.  There’s a lot of talk about schedules and business that go over my head, but not outside of my understanding.  I’m trying hard to pay attention while letter the anti-anxiety meds work on me.  I found one that doesn’t make it hard to breathe, so I got that going for me, which is nice.

What isn’t nice is my day man schedule that is alienating me from my night owl friends.  There was a time I would be up with them all night but those days are gone because of what is expected of me.  It’s probably time to find new friends, I like video games, but I don’t love them, and I certainly don’t have the capital to keep up with them.  I feel bad relying on their handouts and gifts just to remain in their good grace.  I’m too ambitious to lie down and die; the dating scene here in Naples is atrocious.  I am an ogre, yes, but the Floridian climate destroys its women and men with “brain drain”.  I tried to escape it, but an opportunity arose that I couldn’t refuse.  My deal with the darkness.  Well, that and the conditions I was living in Colorado would have given me a heart attack, if only I was strong enough to lose my sanity and let it all go away.  All I do is talk about improvement; in the end I’m the only one left carrying the torch.  This isn’t true for all people, just the majority of who and what lives here.  I’m too conservative for the liberals, and too liberal for the conservatives, all while being smart enough that now having a stable job and a place of my own means jack without means of conveyance.

I have to wait and appreciate what I have and start drawing my unfunny comics again.  I need to let Spinach and Co. fight it out over crudely drawn territory and aphorisms.  Was that even the right word?  All of this time I battle the old chestnut, of feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness.  I wanted Christos to give me hope, and it did.  It brought me to the City in the Clouds, and then I abandoned it because I didn’t want my heart or my head to explode, stress does funny things to you.  It manifests so many things, very few of which are good, the rest are the existential dregs of a wasted life.

I’m happy to be alive, and lucky to be in the position I’m in, even though its back here in the swamps.  So much darkness here.  So much.  The rest of the world is rotting away, and this place, is the crown jewel of confusion and greed.  I pray for a happy ending, but as of now, I don’t think I am worthy of it, certainly not after leaving Colorado.  I’m even less of a man now, i’m a coward.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.  It just has to be.


The devil already he knows me so well