Hola, mi amigos! How is everyone doing tonight?  First off, I heard that Google just absorbed (or in the process of) their privately contracted security guards.  According to the article which I won’t point to here, it was due to income disparity.  Mainly between the skilled workers, and uniformed and badged labor.  Assuming there is no ill intentions, I would say that finally a company is starting to consider its officers.  If I was a guard there I would be in tears because of the anomaly.  Security Guards in America are underpaid, poorly trained, and vilified, by the public, the client, and the parent company.   Without going into politics, I would safely venture to say that Private Security is the most hated form of employment in America.  Guards are expected to be PR ambassadors as well as surveillance for the police.  Instead, from what I have seen private security only exists to lower insurance costs and act as a buffer from frivolous.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the badge and uniform.  I also love my loyalty being set at the private level, so I don’t have to go out and clean up the messes from Americas ongoing war on education.

I am in the middle of a severe depressive episode right now.  For safety reasons I will scale back the blog for a bit, lest I end up writing too much negativity.  I refuse to lie to you, to me, or anyone.  Well to myself I lie about plenty of things, like yes, Mr.Schwo there is a woman out there for you, or yes Mr.Schwo if you continue to draw your comic you will have that internal breakthrough you so desire.  Instead each day I go to war with myself in vain attempts to liberate my spirit.  I want to draw and create all the time, and never stop, I want to improve and do so much, but I am getting tired of fighting myself every.single.step.of.the.way.

It would be cool to see a counselor, but I need to hang out around artists and other creatives.  I don’t have that many in my life.  In fact as for full time creatives I don’t have any around me, so right now I am stumbling blindly around on the edge of a cliff.  My right foot is always hanging off. and my left is on solid ground following it forward.  The issue is not faith in mankind or Truth, it is faith in myself, and right now in knowing that I am in this very low trough, I am doing the best I can to stay alive.  I can’t force too much right now, so I will try to make inner deals and at the very least get the comic out.

That previous paragraph is a proof on why I can’t even think of anything beyond just getting the basics down.  I have no idea what I am doing.  The art world is this mysterious city that I am not allowed to enter.  I want to see what is inside, but I don’t think it is for my kind.  It’s probably for the best.  I’m supposed to to fight myself until I can’t produce comics anymore, this war, will not be won.  I’ll fight every battle like it is the last, but in the back of my mind, my faith saves me from complete failure.  It’s not about fighting or conflict, but being aware of the possibilities of what each moment can bring via my or outside influence.  So the awareness of the inner and outer forces is just reaffirming the Father (Creation), Son (each human being([life]), and the “Holy Spirit” (anything/everything that isn’t us).  Deism reinforces the known, of since all things exist, they are equal in their ability to exist.  Catholicism regains its translated meaning of Universal at the point because it rewards humanity with a powerful metaphorical humility: the mother of wisdom.

Uh oh, it’s happening.  I’m thirty years old now, I should have a better literary filter by now.


“Shake, shake, shake the spirit free.”