I’m going to take the java update making FML not work for me as a sign its time to stop playing it altogether.  I have too many other things to work on.  In the meantime I jumped back onto T2A.  I really miss this game.  I’m thankful I don’t have to eat to live, instead its macro until I’m ready to start earning my adventuring money and then the game gets real fun.  I just hope there is some real estate.  After that, my horse!

 

This time I’m going to visit all the shrines and type their mantra and if possible permit their oblation.  I should record that.  Does T2A have a mumble server?  If not, then it’s missing out on some golden comedy currency.  Or possibly some valuable metal that’s less precious.  I tend to lose my clean tag wayy before any(the) others.  Its a trend I hope to curb, unlike my enthusiasm for cartooning, of which I should embrace.

Speaking of which, I did some of my own animation last night, not a lot, but a little, and I loove it.  I haven’t gotten into the pegging yet, but I have a video I should watch instead and get started.  Why don’t I race toward its?   One of the problems of all my energy is that, until the day I can focus it correctly appropriately, I have this mental back chatter which over rides my passion.

Life is full of imbalances, and the sad truth is that one should try find the proper imbalance to work.  That was true for philosophy, and true of the revelations of old age.  You spend life trying to create a perfect moment not realizing until the end that the trying was the perfect moment, endlessly alive.  So what am I trying to create?

Well first off, my initial goal is a little selfish, but a little necessary too, but escaping the poverty trap.  Since I happen to have a fondness for that which Created all things, my focus on what that personally entails had made me forget certain things.  As a trap?  A mistake? A chance? Understanding?  Connection to something more?  I could keep renaming the same thing OVER and over again, and since there is nothing new under the sun I was talking about going after the(any) unknown.  I became crushed by the very notion of what the God of Gods means.  Which is a concept that is both when it is it isn’t and vice versa.  Usually I err on the side of caution and say that as far as mental constructs go, ease does not dictate acceptance.  On a much to high level, it’s a neat litmus test for Christianity, both the known church and the unknown “one”.  Ugh, 2 meta 4 me.

As far as sourcing any of my hyperbole, let me remind you, that I love not putting filters on my thoughts and letting them run wild during these “early” years.  I try set my sources as explanation based on either real world concepts or something I defined possibly a while ago.  Or on another blog, or the future, or even a future where I had to go back in time to stop myself both from defining that concept and from inventing time travel.   Maybe that’s why nobody has invented it yet, because it always ends badly unless you undo everything back to normal, or else you get erased from time.  How would you intuitively know that portion?  I just assume that’s always the case, that’s why I write or create in general.  It’s the ultimate homage to the creator, it could be funny pages or funny people (babies/some pets).

AhavahOlam, my car has held up quite well, speaking of homages, but I think its (ironically?) time to accept the advice of a co(t)werker and look into getting a new or used car.  I had a dream of having a hot female Jewish(I’m not Jewish) mechanic falling in love my car (and me :D), not actually a dream this time, but one of those uhh pipe dreams.  Upon marriage that car would become hers, as I don’t feel like I can uphold the duty of protecting it from the most dangerous force… me.

Some people say I should find the time and mech up and fix it myself.  I do have it’s own Chilton bible.  To that I say, hah!  I’m already spread out and fighting an internal decade long internal conflict.  I have imprisoned my Faith(confidence for the lowest cause) or the cause for my Perfection in a bulwark.  Protecting that is a dark army that grows in tandem with my anxities.  My energy is their sun and both sides benefit from it.  My side, the one I, am on, which is obviously not the Perfect side, doesn’t have many allys.  Only tulpas really.

I’m just glad Spinach and the gang are becoming a “vocal” representation of the struggle.  Which at the current time I am winning, if you can call it that.  I’ll save the rest of that for, another day.  It’s off the explore my dream world once again in vainglorious pursuit of that one that explains it all.  I would meet Clarissa.  Actually I think in proper terms it should have been Cassandra, but meh, I’m an old man.

I wish you good luck and success on all of your ventures, brothers and sisters.  That was a poor attempt a joke, I’m sorry.

 

-Mr.Schwo

“Show me, am I seeing things?”