There was an event a few weeks and it has affected me deeply.  It’s one of the few things, and I do need to get over it, but my darker days are even worse now.  I am trying to find my fastest way out of the pit.  While inside I thought I found another, but it was just another false hope.  Worse yet, I must attend to travesty again because I either like insanity, or it seems good to me.    Inside of my head during these times, I do “hear” the powerful voice saying to ignore it.  Do I actually hear voices?  Only once, but I was incredibly stressed out at work.  It sounded feminine.  It sounded like it was breathing out.

My first thought was I was stressed out and trying to calm myself.  It was during a very busy dinner at a retirement condo.  My second thought was ghosts, because of how sound echoed through the place the empty dining room would sound like conversations were occurring.  Or it was ghosts having an endless dinner there.  Oh yes, the residents die there.  They were pretty wealthy, and honestly after living in many different apartments and houses over the years, its not that bad of an idea.

In my  heart of hearts, I would like lots of land to do experiments.  Out in the wilderness.  Instead I will look after the church, I am emboldened by the idea of local currencies after seeing its success here in my own country: The land of Impossible Wealth and Neverending Avarice!  That’s what my country has been ruled by, especially because the rulers care more of the welfare of every other nation than its own.

That’s how you know your ruling party isn’t in your interest.  You replace them with one that is, but often times a replacement can begin with a compromise.  There are extreme scenarios which is why the creator of all things gave us tools which we in turn sharpen into weapons so that may never have to use them.

If we do, then when it over, you bury those weapons, because the next then you must defend against is unknown, and you must treat it as separately as possible.  The only reason why any sort of Moses moment would be necessary is if you found out someones elses (in this case a governing body) has different goals in mind than what humanity is trying to accomplish during this time.

We are learning to stop fighting the wars of our fathers and learning from them instead.  I am living this metaphor right now, not the early successes, my dad was always smart and wise, one of the people I wish were in local government.   My earlier years were rife with depression, anxiety, and bouts of mania.  Not clinical, but I had always felt like I lacked the tools to deal with them, or I didn’t want to face them.  Now I am, and it takes time to erase them.  My love of wisdom, however, allowed me to dwell in my darkness so that I may better understand things.

Was this a trap?  Was I supposed to be more successful?  In reading what is going on and listening to who is telling me things, the world they allow is a not a good one, and I don’t know if I could have been anything more.  So many scripts and ideas kept to myself, ideas that weren’t for others, they were for me.

So I played them out, in some hope I could one day create them, but more importantly so if I ever were to make them, they would be something good, the result of many things I have learned.

As of now, they are wrapped up in my Faith, and my heart has been broken by it.  I will do better.  I am forever striving for the light of Truth.