As much as I would like to have a much more prolific schedule, a few things come into play, mainly my mood.  In the past I would try to draw past it, then become angry, then stop for a few months.  I’m going to try a different approach.

I am adding it to my night time visualizations.   I am also trying to wake up earlier so I can get more work done.  The majority of my friends unfortunately are all night people, and I’ve always been a morning person.  So I will try to make new friends because its hard to stay friends with those of the opposite schedule.  Its like a long distance relationship, and those rarely work.  I’m not ending my friendships at all, its just I need more morning people in my life so I don’t feel so alone so much.

In the past online relationships are recommended, and if I cannot find anyone locally then I will be forced to do so.  This locality is not really a conducive atmosphere to make friends, yet.  As someone who suffers with, or enjoys (depending on the context) self-hatred, aka depression, I also have periods of time when I want to be alone and when I want to be with others.

At this point, friends are much better than a lover, as that is a lot of stress for someone like me.  I don’t know how philosophers ever find love, which is why most of them don’t.  They are doomed to wander the earth looking for answers we will never find.  Evolutionary dead ends, and sometimes we offer warnings that are rarely if ever heeded.

My first Rabbi brought me to His Father, and in turn they both thought it was time for me to properly acquaint myself with the darkness herself.  The left hand of God.  Because I spent my life fighting myself I am not a threat to her or her people, those who worship chaos and destruction above all else.  Yes, there is a spectrum in that worship as well.   Love is the only way to stop her, but as of right now, she is in control of the world.  Is there an actual pseudo-deity that is telling people what to do?  In one light yes, but for all intent and purpose, no, its just key individuals who willingly make decisions that make the world a worse place for everyone else, but a better place for themselves and their group.

It goes deeper but until we learn of extra curricular activities it will be about greed and plans that take decades if not centuries to develop.  False flags and other red herrings exist to make sure those whose roots are not too deep are easily distracted and when necessary, uprooted.

More on this and other things later.  This is also one my shorted pieces.  I’m tired, been driving for several hours, and hungry (I accidentally fasted for 22 hours again, and could hardly finish my sandwich).

Lonliness, like despair and other existential woes will take its toll.  I cannot resist it all the time, which means I am failing in my mission to transform the darkness into light.

I do with you the best of luck and success on your projects.

-Ahavat Olam